One of my closest friends told me “you aren’t supposed to date your friends.” And it’s wrong for me to not say anything about what upsets me but then get mad at the other person keeps doing it. I can’t count how many times I built up resentment towards others and in turn got mad at them, saying things I didn’t mean to say and just victimizing it so that I wasn’t in the wrong. For some reason I was more scared of telling them I was hurt than caring about how bitter I was becoming. Eventually I would explode, and say things in a way that I would have never said if I just had been honest from the start. But I was terrified of losing friends and I thought I would be a bad friend if I told them what upset me. This has happened with so many friends.
It wasn’t until I rekindled things with friends I hadn’t had a close relationship in years with, people I had up and downs with. We had fights, judgement issues towards each other, we said things about each other we shouldn’t. But in the end we grew, apologized, shared mushy conversations lol. I heard many “I wish you had told me sooner”. I’m going to make mistakes, and I’ve tried to take any I’m called out for into a learning experience, but I think I’m finally free from everything in the title. Not everyone is gonna like me, that’s okay, my friends want me to be honest as long as it’s politely, and nothing is going to change unless I bring it up. Everyone has the right to their feelings and views. I wish I had convinced myself of that earlier.