This week was my first real breakdown about my pain disorder in the past 8 years of it. it was the reality that every winter my pain is going to be worse than usual. For those that don’t understand chronic pain, it’s a daily thing, it is rare for it to disappear for more than a couple hours, this isn’t like having the flu, being sick, or having an injury.
Sometimes you get used to the pain, and eventually you kind of forget what no pain feels like. But I think that is one good thing about the body’s coping mechanism, it sometimes feels normal. The normal pain isn’t the hard part. The hard part is when you get flashes/flareups. Those make every normal mechanical thing you do not feel autopilot, like stepping out of bed, standing up while brushing your teeth, or picking up a backpack.
But I’ve found that I’m stronger than my illness. I am better than my illness. Life isn’t going to be easy for me, and I know I’m going to resent having this disorder. But that is life, and I can mope and stay depressed or I can try to better it. I can eat right, exercise, fulfill goals. I’m not going to be that person that victimizes themselves. I’m stronger than that. If you are in the same boat, you can do it. It won’t be the easiest thing, but you are stronger than your disorder.