Hearing my life

Filling in the missing pieces of information of life.

• • Feb 18

  I have a lump bulge at the bottom of my spine that is sticking out.

  I’ve been in a lot of pain lately in my legs the last couple days so it scares me. I don’t know if it’s a nerve issue due to my Fibro, spinal cord inflammation, injury, or a cyst. I’m gonna give it 24 hours and then get it checked out. 

  Ugh, I hope it’s nothing serious.

  • #pain
  • #issues
  • #please don't be serious
  • #fibro?
  • #lump
  ➟
• • 7
  • Apr 8

  Just because I’m not complaining about my pain or how tired I am all the time doesn’t mean my Fibromyalgia has gone away.

  No I’m not just faking it. Me saying everything “ugh my back hurts” or “oh my knees are killing me today” is not going to make the pain go away and would probably bug the crap out of people to hear about it all the time. People attack what they do not understand. 

  • #pain
  • #fatigue
  • #fibromyalgia
  • #unaware
  • #adapting
  ➟
• • Jun 6

  I’m in a bad mood, my knee is killing me, my back feels like it’s on fire, and I’m exhausted. I do not want to spend my whole day trying to be nice to customers and teachers.

  Where is my day off button?

  • #work
  • #school
  • #summer
  • #pain
  • #bad mood
  ➟
• • 6
  • Jul 2
  sometimes pain becomes such a big part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t.

  How I feel about my fibromyalgia. 
  • #fibro
  • #flareup
  • #pain
  • #life
  • #sucks
  • #quote
  • #quotes
  • #time
  ➟
• • 4
  • Jul 11

  Before you hurt a girl, think about how your mom would feel if your dad did what you’re doing to me.

  (Source: seekingxxhappiness.xanga.com)

  • #so fucking true
  • #quote
  • #girls
  • #hurting
  • #heartbreak
  • #break ups
  • #pain
  • #mom
  • #dad
  • #life
  • #feelings
  • #love
  • #hate
  ➟
• • 4
  • Aug 7

  Bad things are always going to happen in life; people will eventually hurt you. But you can’t use that as an excuse to hurt someone back.

  (Source: knocit.xanga.com)

  • #quotes
  • #bad
  • #good
  • #karma
  • #hurt
  • #pain
  • #endurance
  ➟
• • 3
  • Aug 7

  Isn’t it sad when you have been hurt so much that you can say, “I’m used to it.”

  ugh my life

  (Source: seekingxxhappiness.xanga.com)

  • #quote
  • #personal
  • #true story
  • #relationships
  • #hurt
  • #pain
  • #sad
  ➟
• • 2
  • Aug 20

  I don’t care about my ‘privilege’

  I don’t care about how something I was born into has anything to do with my pain being justified or not. If I’m upset about how I’m being treated, then I’m upset. It’s not up to some self righteous internet users if I’m upset or not. So get off your high horse and stop all this stupid self righteous crap. 

  I swear people nowadays would get pissed if a white male middle class man complained that he had cancer. Do you all realize how judgmental and rude you are being by telling people that because of their privilege they can’t feel the same pain of horrific events, physical issues, mental illnesses, or family issues? Pain is not a competition. 

  • #privilege
  • #annoyed
  • #pain
  • #anger
  • #have sympathy
  ➟
• • Sep 14

  When I see girls who purposely push their butt out when they walk, especially those in heels, all I think about is how tense their back is and how their posture is gonna cause so many spine issues in the future. 

  We are not meant to walk with our chest at an angle to the ground.

  • #posture
  • #back
  • #butt
  • #heels
  • #pain
  ➟
• • 1
  • Feb 18

  Just did an intense amount of working out today

  I already feel my knees tightening, which means I’ll be feeling pain when I wake up. Bring on the flareup. Luckily working out kind of pushes it away for an hour or two, so I need to keep it up. For all those fibro people trying to get in shape, just remember that you are better than your sickness and to go at your own pace (unless it’s just giving up). We can do it together :)

  • #working out
  • #fibro
  • #fibromyalgia
  • #pain
  • #flareup
  • #confidence
  • #stamina
  • #courage
  ➟
• • 2
  • Feb 27

  It’s depressing when looking at the weather will tell you if you’re going to be in extra pain or not.
  • #fibro
  • #fibromyalgia
  • #pain
  • #sad
  ➟
• • 3
  • Mar 2

  Coping with a chronic pain disorder.

  This week was my first real breakdown about my pain disorder in the past 8 years of it. it was the reality that every winter my pain is going to be worse than usual. For those that don’t understand chronic pain, it’s a daily thing, it is rare for it to disappear for more than a couple hours, this isn’t like having the flu, being sick, or having an injury. 

  Sometimes you get used to the pain, and eventually you kind of forget what no pain feels like. But I think that is one good thing about the body’s coping mechanism, it sometimes feels normal. The normal pain isn’t the hard part. The hard part is when you get flashes/flareups. Those make every normal mechanical thing you do not feel autopilot, like stepping out of bed, standing up while brushing your teeth, or picking up a backpack.

  But I’ve found that I’m stronger than my illness. I am better than my illness. Life isn’t going to be easy for me, and I know I’m going to resent having this disorder. But that is life, and I can mope and stay depressed or I can try to better it. I can eat right, exercise, fulfill goals. I’m not going to be that person that victimizes themselves. I’m stronger than that. If you are in the same boat, you can do it. It won’t be the easiest thing, but you are stronger than your disorder. 

  • #pep talk
  • #fibromyalgia
  • #chronic pain
  • #strength
  • #not alone
  • #frustrations
  • #life
  • #pain
  • #invisible illnesses
  ➟
• • 1
  • Mar 19

  I’ve decided to lay low a for the rest of the semester.

  As much as I wanted this last semester as an undergrad to be the college fun I never really did before, I realize that none of my friends are in for it with me and I just can’t keep planning all these fun things, when I just get hurt when people make other plans instead or cancel on me. It might be that I tried too hard, tried to do stuff I don’t really enjoy because I know they would like it. Or it might just be that I’m really not that important to people anymore, they are moving on or don’t like the same things as me.

  Whatever it is, I just can’t keep planning stuff and getting hurt. It’s been pushing me further into depression. So I’ll just focus on school again like I did before, and maybe in the future I’ll finally find those friends I click with. 

  • #frustrated
  • #college life
  • #friends
  • #pain
  ➟
• • Mar 30

  Crying out of frustration right now

  It’s been in the 70s the last couple of days, which has been amazing for my body. But it’s supposed to drop down to the high 30s - low 50s in two days and I know that means a flareup is coming up. I already am at increased risk for one at the moment, because I’ve been working out again. Ugh. I just want to not have pain.

  Can this just go away? I hate my nerves right now. 

  • #fibromyalgia
  • #pain
  • #weather change
  • #frustration
  • #bawling
  ➟
• • 6
  • Apr 7

  Does anyone relate their depression or anxiety to trying to start up a car that just won’t start.

  You get these normal elevated feelings for a small amount of time and then they just die out and you just slump over again. You get so hopeful and it just goes away within seconds. 

  • #depression
  • #anxiety
  • #pain
  • #feelings
  • #sad
  ➟

About

I'm about to graduate with my BS in Psychology and then I'm headed off to grad school. I do have fibromyalgia, a chronic pain and nerve disorder, so I relate to invisible illnesses. I love learning new things, fandoms, and quotes. I'm here if anyone needs to talk, and I never stop looking for the positive in life.